Why Self Sabotage Happens and How to Stop It

by | Feb 18, 2023

Tired of self sabotage? If so, then this is for you!

Have you ever been cruising along, making solid progress, and then seemingly out of nowhere you blow yourself up?

I remember several moments where I would wake up after a binge and think … what the hell just happened?

It almost felt like an out of body experience.

And it made no sense because it always came during a time when I felt like I had some momentum going with my results.

Super frustrating.

Self sabotage is a maniacal son of a bitch.

Self sabotage can rear its ugly head in a number of ways …

Procrastination, negative self-talk, self-doubt, self-destructive behaviors, and more.

But why do we do it?

I mean, we’ve all been there. I’m sure numerous times.

On the surface it’s confusing. I say I want this thing. I start making progress towards this thing. And then … BAM … I obliterate my progress and have to start over.

Why do we self sabotage?

There are several reasons …

1. Fear of failure: You may self sabotage because you fear you will fail if you try. You may believe that if you don’t try, you can avoid the disappointment and shame that comes with failure.

2. Low self-esteem: If you have low self-esteem, you may not believe you deserve success or happiness, so you might engage in behaviors that prevent you from achieving your goals.

3. Perfectionism: Perfectionists may self sabotage because of unrealistic standards. When you don’t meet these high expectations, you may feel like a failure and engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.

4. Negative self-talk: If you constantly tell yourself that you’re not good enough or that you’ll fail, you may start to believe it and engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. This also relates to your identity and self-limiting beliefs.

5. Lack of motivation: You may self-sabotage because you lack motivation or have lost interest in your goals. This can be a sign that your goals are no longer aligned with your values or that you need to find new sources of inspiration.

6. Fear of success: You may also self-sabotage because you fear success. Success can bring new challenges and responsibilities, and you may not feel ready to handle them.

Ultimately, self sabotage is a form of control.

The pursuit of a goal or achievement is new and scary.

By sabotaging your efforts, you are creating a known situation instead of the fear of uncertainty.

Like … if I’m the reason I keep failing, then at least I know the source. It’s the devil I know. It keeps my brain feeling safe and comfortable.

Remember … most prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.

How to break free of the self sabotage cycle

The way you break out of that cycle is by first understanding your pattern of behaviors. Which of the above scenarios sounds most like you?

Then, assess the why behind those behaviors. Is it fear of failure? Fear of success? Limiting beliefs?

Then comes the hard part … you must challenge those beliefs. Are they rooted in fact? Is there any evidence to support those beliefs? Are they simply based on past experiences and assumptions? Are they even your own beliefs or something that you adopted from an external voice like a parent or teacher or coach?

Then, get crystal clear on what you truly want and why it matters to you. Identity your future self that you want to become and get familiar and friendly with that person.

Then, focus on the process of becoming that person. Not the outcome. What are the habits, behaviors, and routines of that person? Gradually make your way towards them.

Then, operate with self-compassion. Recognize you’re human and you will make plenty of mistakes. Focus on progress not perfection.

Each time you sabotage, don’t simply brush it aside. Dig into it. Assess why it happened and what you can do better next time. Curiosity and compassion.

Recognize that overcoming self sabotage is a journey, not a destination.

There’s no finish line. You’re simply trying to increase the amount of decisions you make that align with what you truly want.

And finally, get the help you deserve.

The truest form of self sabotage is knowing that these patterns exist and not getting help to overcome them.

A mindset shift can allow the body to change.

We literally just had a client win yesterday who texted Coach Becky and shared that her inner self talk has completely changed.

Her exact words … “Changing my inner self talk has been HUGE for me. Not calling myself a failure and instead saying you know what … that didn’t turn out as planned but here’s what I can do next time.

Also, real talk … with body image issues too. It’s a gradual process, not overnight. Don’t sweat the small stuff because it all adds up to a greater picture. Give myself freaking grace because I have birthed 3 beautiful lil nut jobs!

Ok, rant over, just had to share!”

This is the real work that creates the results you see with our clients.

It’s why you consistently see things like 35 lbs. down in 6 months. Everyone focuses on the number and thinks it’s all about the food and exercise.

More accurately, it’s all about the mind, which allows the body to change.

Not getting help is a form of self sabotage. If you’re ready to give that up and make a permanent change …

We’ll be opening enrollment for our coaching program very soon.

Early next week. And there will be limited spots available (approx 15).

We are only doing enrollments once per month so if you miss this one, you miss 30 days of progress.

I can also tell you the barrier of entry will be low. So you’ll want to pay attention.

Interested in 1:1 Coaching?

And let me know that you’re interested in the 1:1 signature coaching program.

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